#1954
[Everyone's sitting around the bar...]
Date: 02/12/2002
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Take Five! Mode>>>
[...drinking their drinks of choice and quietly socializing. Lita, Rimmi, Evil Mike, and Tork are all laughing and joking over a game of cards. Mickey is sipping from a can of Campbell's chicken stock while PM regales him with embarassing anecdotes about Buffalo. Sam, Wurwolf, Schmoe, Manosgirl, and Nabut are all sitting around and listening to tunes on the sound system. Nick is working feverishly to help Rick keep everyone's glasses full.]
[Nameless Voice] *ahem* excuse me. Don't you think you ought to be *doing* something?
[Nabut] Look, maybe you like working without a script, but until *we* get one, we're not doing a bloody thing!
[He goes back to drinking. Everyone studiously ignores the further protests of the Nameless Voice.]
TmPM
Apparently, *everyone's* as busy as I am!
(or busier)
Sarcophagus!
#1955
I think part of the problem is...
Date: 02/12/2002
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
Everybody thinks everybody else has something they really want to post, and nobody wants to mess up anybody else's plot line.
I was waiting for Rimmi to post something. Raise your hand if you think she's waiting for somebody else… <Nobody raises their hands>
Oh well, screw it! I'm adding a reply! Nabut, get your behind back down on that floor, you're supposed to be unconscious! You too, Sam!
***
<Previoiusly, on Tales From the Duh…>
Nabut: I'm so glad you're back, my Liege! I've got to tell you about--
<Lita42, thinking Nabut is about to tell everybody about her takeover attempt, hits him with a clown hammer, knocking him out.>
Nabut: *THUD!!*
Lita9000: Wow. That was violent.
Lita42: Er… he had a fly on his head?
<And now, back to our story>
PM: Lita42! Nabut was about to tell us all something important!
Lita9000: Don't yell at my clone!
PM: I wasn't yelling, I was just saying…
Lita42: I'm sure whatever he was going to say wasn't all that important.
Nick: Yeah, Nabut was probably just about to tell you how it was all his fault you guys were in that Chrono Trigger game. And not ours at all.
Lita42: Yeah, I bet that was it!
Sam: <sitting up from the floor> Yeah! I bet he was going to beg forgiveness for his stupid, stupid mistake!
Nick, 42, and Sam: Yeah! <smile>
Rick: Well, if that's all he was going to say, I don't see why you were so worried, Lita42. It's not like he was going to tell on you for trying to get him to usurp the boss's empire for you.
Lita42: Eep!
PM: Lita42! I'm surprised at you!
Lita42: I… uhh…. oh dear…
Rick: Oh, I'm sorry kid… I wasn't supposed to mention that, was I?
Lita42: Uh… I don't know what you're talking about!!! I didn't try anything like that!
Lita9000: <shaking her head in dissapoinment> Ohh 42. 42, 42, 42. 42, 42, 42, 42, 42. *sigh* 42, 42, 42, 42, 42 ,42--
Lita42: <feeling a bit panicky> What???
Lita9000: We'll have to have a talk about this later. I'm so sorry about my clone's behavior, Phafffofnmahfdsjmfhfsasjdjkha.
PM: Hmph. You should really learn to control your henchpeople.
Lita9000: I feel it should be noted that none of my henchpeople were responsible for zapping us into a video game.
PM: Yeah, well that was different because--
Lita9000: So there.
PM: But you see--
Lita9000: *So* *there*.
PM: Fine. Have it your way.
Lita9000: I think it's time we all got back to the hideout. All right, everybody who wants to exact unpleasant revenge on Phafoofhfhha, get into Spidey.
<Various people climb into the back seat (except Evil Mike, of course, who sits in the front), but since I'm not sure who's all there, or what side (if any) the newcomers are on, I will not give a complete list. Lita's about to get back into the driver's seat when she remembers something.>
Lita9000: Oh, by the way. Could somebody go get Buffalo and tie him to the top of Spidey for me so we can take him back with us? You said you would let us re-kidnap him if we let him go to the party.
Rick: Sorry, Sweetheart. I think you're a little confused. You already kidnapped him again.
Lita9000: I did?
PM: She did?
Rick: Yeah. During the Christmas party, just before you guys were thrown into the game.
Lita9000: Oh. You mean I kidnapped him while Evil Mike and I were lost and being chased around by shock troopers in Phafnhshghadfsk's palace or whatever?
Rick: Yeah. That's it.
Lita9000: Oh, well that's just great!
Rick: I suppose it'll save you a lot of trouble.
Lita9000: No, that's not it.
PM: One of your clones is impersonating you, huh?
Lita9000: It's so annoying when that happens. I guess there's no telling what she did with Buffalo after she got him… better not have been anything nasty since he thinks she's me… <Several possibilities occur to Lita> Oh, yuck!!! *shudder*
<Lita climbs into her spot in Spidey, and closes the door. She and the rest of the GROPE team leave MSTBlanca and start on their way back to Diabolik's lair. After some time…>
Lita9000: Hey, 42.
Lita42: Yeah?
Lita9000: Did you really try to use Nabut to take over Phfhshghs's whole criminal dealie?
Lita42: <getting ready to be yelled at> …yeah…
Lita9000: <smiling> Hey! Way to go! I'm very proud of you!
Lita42: Really?
Lita9000: Sure. You gotta do what you can to help the mission.
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
There!
#1956
[Gramps comes out of the men's room...]
Date: 02/13/2002
From: PharaohMobius
<<<What About Grandmapa?!? Mode>>>
...of MSTBlanca. He looks considerably relieved.]
[Gramps] *phew!!!* That's better! I probably shoulda installed a bathroom at the End of Time! Well, live and lear-- hey! Where did ev'rybody git to?
[Sam] Dude, they left hours ago. You been in the bathroom all this time?
[Gramps] Some things cain't be rushed, you dope-smoking hippie! 'Specially at my age!
[Sam laughs.] Whaddya mean at your age? You're what, 15?
[Gramps] Never you mind, whippersnapper! It's impolite to ask an elderly gender-bender hir age.
[Sam] Look, they set out for the secret G.R.O.P.E. headquarters (which used to be Diabolik's hideout, but no one's supposed to know that) a few hours ago. If you want, I can give you a ride up there on my groovy motorcycle.
[Gramps] I'm not even on your team! Why would ye want to do that?!?
[Sam] Eh, it's somethin' to do. Besides, I need to get out and see if I can score some we-- uh, that is, weekend passes to Raging Rivers! Yeah, that's it! Anyway, you want a ride?
[Gramps] Forget it, reefer-fiend! I'm not getting on one of those deathtraps with the likes of you! I'll get back my own way! [Gramps waves his magical walker in the air, and he vanishes.]
[Sam] Hmmmmph. His loss. Man, I sure could go for some brownies right now...
TmPM
See! I didn't forget Gramps!
Why don't you believe me?
Sarcophagus!
#1957
Lita: OK, everybody, gather 'round...
Date: 02/13/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
Let's do roll call.....
(One by one everyone there raises their hand as their names called; per usual, Lita gushes about how cute it is when Cow raises his hoof, and Spidey raises one of his legs)
Lita: Oh, you two are just the cutest (evryone looks at Lita) *ahem* (Door slams) So glad you could join us Gramps, 5 hours late. See me after class.
Gramps: Oh, shoot.
Lita: OK, so (sees strange guy) Who are you?
Ted: I'm Ted, I use to work at Enron.
Lita: Ooooooooookay.
Ted: But, I'm all for this. What are we doing? And who's that other girl who looks exactly like you?
Lita: On to the ne...
Ted: And the talking cow? What's his deal? And I'm kind of afraid of spi (Cave Rimmer hits Ted with her club)
Lita: Thanks
Cave Rimmer: Don't mention it. Anything to help.
Evil Mike: Hey, not that I care, but...where's that guy, I always beat him up? You know the one I'm talking about.
Rimmer: Hey, that's right, where's Mickey?
Evil Mike: Yeah, that's who I meant.
Lita: Hmmmmm....beats me.
Tork: Last I saw, he was leaving MSTBlanca with the rest of us. And then....uh-oh.
Lita: What?
Tork: Someone threw a rope over him and dragged him away.
Lita: Stupid whiney Mickey always has to be the center of attention...
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Post Narc x2
Has a massive case of rope burn now.
#1958
Lita: All right. What a pain.
Date: 02/14/2002
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
Lita: I guess we'd better go back to MSTBlanca and bug Phahfkdhahfha until he releases Mickey. <Lita turns Spidey around.> You know, Tork. It would have been nice if you'd mentioned this before we'd gotten so far away.
Tork: It slipped my mind?
Lita42: Hey, wait you guys. How do we know it was PM who kidnapped Mickey?
<Everybody looks at 42.>
Rimmer: Of course it was him. Who else would it be?
Lita42: Oh, I don't know. Perhaps Mortimer, the deranged psycho who was pretending to be Rickey, Mickey's EVIL TWIN BROTHER®, so that he could kill him later? Just a thought. Er… why are you guys looking at me like that?
Tork: Everybody knows that Mickey doesn't have any evil twins.
Lita9000: Yeah. That would just be silly.
Cave Rimmer: There are enough exact copies of people running around here as it is.
Lita42: But I saw him! He was a jerk!
<Everybody tries to avoid eye contact with 42>
Lita42: Cow, you saw him too! You were there! He tied us to a tree for like a whole week! Tell them!
Cow: I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about, Mooadamoo.
Lita42: Cow! How could you! I thought you liked me!
<I bet he does. I bet he's just embarrassed about it so he doesn't want the others to know. How darling!>
Cow: Who asked you? Stay out of it!
<Sorry.>
Lita42: Evil Mike, you saw him too. I know you did. You had a crush on his brother, Nickey!
Lita9000: What?
EM: I did not! You're making stuff up! Quit wasting our time!
Lita42: I'm not wasting our time! Mortimer's going to kill Mickey!
Tork: Look. We'll have a vote. Raise your hand if you think Pharaoh Manboobs kidnapped Mickey.
<Everybody raises a hand except for Carmelita42. Evil Mike raises both of his hands.>
Tork: Raise your hand if you think 42's hallucination kidnapped Mickey.
Lita42: It wasn't a hallucination!
Tork: Well, that settles it. PM kidnapped Mickey.
Lita9000: Here we are. <She pulls up right outside MSTBlanca> Let's go inside and yell at PM and break stuff until he gives Mickey back.
Lita42: <sulking> I'm not going. PM didn't do it. I didn't make Mortimer up.
Rimmer: Stay here then.
<Everybody, except for Lita42, gets out of Spidey and storms into MSTBlanca. Lots of loud crashes can be heard coming from within the bar. Lita42 crosses her arms and glares at the dashboard.>
Lita42: I didn't make it up. And I'm sure as hell not going to hang around here. I'll find Mickey myself, and prove them all wrong!
<She climbs out of Spidey and looks around until she sees a set of footprints leading off into the distance.>
Lita42: I bet these footprints belong to Mortimer and Mickey! Maybe if I follow these footprints, it'll lead me right to them!
<Turns out she's right! She starts following. But she's on foot, so she's not going to get there for a while yet. Let's go see how Mickey's doing.>
***
<At Mortimer's hideout… wherever that is. Mickey's tied to a pole in the middle of the room! And he's got tape over his mouth so he can't talk!>
Mortimer: Ha ha ha! You never thought you'd see me again, did you???
Mickey: Mmm mmph hmm?
Mortimer: What do you mean "Who are you???" I'm Rickey! Your EVIL TWIN BROTHER®!!!
Mickey: Mmmph mmmpfff mppmph.
Mortimer: Don't call me crazy! I'm going to hollow out your skull and use it for a candy dish! Then we'll see who's crazy!!!
<Buffalo walks in eating a bowl of grits.>
Buffalo: Hey, ain't that guy a friend of Cupcake II?
Mortimer: Who's Cupcake II?
Buffalo: She's the woman Ah'm gonna may-ry some day!
Mortimer: Oh. Her. Hey, Mickey. Are you a friend of What's-her-name?
<Mickey nods>
Buffalo: See? That's what Ahm tellin yew. Ah think Cupcake II will get maid if we kill her friend.
Mortimer: Do you really think she will?
Buffalo: Why wouldn't she?
Mortimer: But that's great! I've always wanted a maid! Do you think she'll cook and do laundry and stuff?
Buffalo: Ah cain't say as Ah know.
Mortimer: I'm sure she will! That's what maids do! This plan is just getting better and better!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
#1959
Mortimer: You know what I've always
Date: 02/15/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
wanted to do?....................
Get a maid and dress her up in one of those hot French maid numbers....
Mickey: MMMPPPH! MMMMMMMMMMMMMPHHH!!!!
Buffalo: What'd he say?
Mickey: MMMMMMPH MMMMPH MMMMPH!
Mortimer: I don't think I heard him.
Mickey (Takes his gag off): I said, "He said mad!"
Mortimer: Hey, how'd you....
Mickey: Forgot to tie my hands, stupid.
Mortimer: Well, I would have if someone didn't get grits all over the rope and made it greasy.
Buffalo: Don't look at me.
Mortimer: That's what the dining room is for.
Buffalo: Well, sorry. I thought your brother wouldn't mind.
Mickey: No, I don't...HEY! I'm not his brother!
Mortimer: I'm going to kill you, Mickey, but first, Buff...oh s***, you've untied yourself, didn't you?
Mickey: Took you long enough to figure that one out, genius. (Punches Mortimer)
Buffalo: Ah'm getting out of here!
42 (enters the hideout): Where you off to in such a big hurry?
Buffalo: CUPCAKE II!!!
(42 punches Buffalo in the nose)
Buffalo: Not Cupcake II!!!
Mickey: Hey, 42! I think....
************************************************************
(Back at MSTBlanca)
Lita: What did you do with him, PM?
PM: I didnn't even know I did anything to him.
Tork: Poinless.
Rimmer: What?
Tork: Poinless. This is all poinless. PM clearly has nothing.
Cow: Look, I don't need this. I'moo a cow, I've got things to do.
Lita: Oh hush...you do not.
Cow: Well, it would be nice if I did.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Post Narc x2
Aquaman? I don't know...who gives a crap, anyway
#1960
Mickey: OK, get up, chump.
Date: 02/15/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
Mortimer: What? (Mickey punches him again)
Mickey: You don't look too good.
(Mickey grabs Mortimer's arm and starts hitting him with it)
Mickey: Hey? Why you keep hitting yourself? Why you keep hitting yourself? Why you...(This goes on for a while)
Mortimer: Ugh. Can I have an aspirin?
Mickey: Oh sure! (Takes the cyanide pill that Lita gave him once for being Learned in TMOTS)
Mortimer: Thanks! (Swallows it) Ugh. (Dies)
Mickey: It's rasberry!
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Post Narc x2
This is for Waldo!
(This reply is dedicated to one A_Judas_Rimmer, who suggested I kill Mortimer with the pill. Thanks, Rimmi, I wuv you!)
#1961
<Back at MSTBlanca...> (part deux)
Date: 02/17/2002
From: Carmelita9000
Apparently the "<Back at MSTBlanca...>" reply title already exists. Blah!
************************************************************
<All hell is breaking loose! Rimmi and Lita are taking turns yelling at Pharaoh Mobius, while Tork, Evil Mike, gramps, and Cave Rimmer all run around breaking things and looting and generally causing trouble. Lord Kinsey Figgybottom the Cow isn't too good at breaking things and stealing because he's tiny and he has no hands, but he does give out more than his fair share of verbal abuse. Nabut and Sam and Nick run around trying to stop them, but it's not working out too well. Why? Because if it did work it would ruin the story, that's why!>
Rimmi: <to Mobius> Just quit being an ass and tell us where Mickey is!
PM: I told you! I don't know! I had nothing to do with it!
Lita: Oh, come on! We know you're the one who kidnapped Mickey! Who else would do such a thing?
PM: I don't even know why you would think I would do such a thing! If I kidnapped Mickey, then I'd have to feed him, and I can't afford to just give away that much soup!
Rimmi: That's a real stupid reason, Blobius! You could still make Mickey pay for the soup!
PM: Look. I'm a busy man. Don't you think I've got better things to do than go around kidnapping Mickey?
Rimmi & Lita: No!
PM: Well, I do! I've got to repair the bar from the last time you guys trashed it, for one thing.
<Lita's had it. She grabs PM by the collar with one hand. She balls up her other hand into a fist and pulls it back getting ready to punch him. She glares down at PM menacingly. This is not easy to do since she's shorter than he is, but PM obligingly bends his knees a bit.>
Lita: If you don't give Mickey back, I'm going to punch you really, really hard!
Rimmi: In the face!
Lita: Yeah! In the face!
PM: Again, I don't have Mickey.
Lita: All right, I warned you, that's it--
Evil Mike: <calling from the window that he was in the process of smashing> Hey! Look! Mickey's coming down the road!
Lita: Huh? Are you sure?
EM: Just a sec. Let me check!
<Evil Mike runs outside, punches Mickey, and then runs back in>
EM: Yeah! I'm sure! It's Mickey! 42 is with him! And so is Buffalo!
Lita & Rimmi: Oh!
<Lita releases PM, and smoothes down the wrinkles in his shirt.>
Lita: Sorry about that.
Rimmi: Lita. It's ok. We need to get revenge for all the evil stuff he did anyway, remember?
Lita: Oh yeah! You're right!
<Lita punches PM in the stomach, and then runs outside with the rest of GROPE to meet Mickey.>
***
<Mickey is walking down the convenient path leading from Mortimer's former hideout to MSTBlanca. Or at least, that's what he was doing until Evil Mike punched him. Carmelita42 is standing next to him, and she's holding a rope that's attached to Buffalo. Buffalo's arms are tied, and Lita42 and Mickey have been leading him back here since they know Lita9000's under the impression that he would make a good hostage. The rescue party has rushed out of MSTBlanca and come to say hi.>
Lita: Mickey! You're ok! Did Phafjhghgskghagha hurt you much?
Mickey: He didn't do anything to me at all! It was Mortimer!
Tork: Mortimer?!
Lita42: Yeah! Mortimer! See? I wasn't lying!
Lita: Ok, 42. You were right. Sorry we didn't believe you. So, what happened?
Mickey: Well--
Lita42: Mortimer was gonna kill Mickey! But I showed up just in time and rescued him single handedly, pretty much.
Mickey: You did not! You didn't do a damn thing! You showed up just in time to stand around! I could have escaped just as well without you there, for all you did!
Lita42: But… I… Well…. <Lita42 stares down at her toes and tries not to cry> *sniff*
Mickey: Oh, all right. You did punch Buffalo that one time. I guess that was helpful.
Lita42: <Brightening up> You bet it was!
Rimmi: Ok! This is a really fun conversation. But maybe we should be getting back to the hideout now so we can work on the next phase of the plan!
Tork: What plan?
Rimmi: I don't know! That's what we're working on.
Lita: Ok, you're right! Everybody back into Spidey! Except for Buffalo, he smells funny. You have to ride on the outside, Buffalo.
Buffalo: Cain't I set next tah you, Cupcake II? Ah think we's got a lot tah cetch up about.
Lita: No.
<Evil Mike helps Lita tie Buffalo to Spidey's side so that he won't fall off while Spidey's running. The members of GROPE start to leave again.>
PM: Hey, wait, you guys! I think I've been very reasonable, allowing you to kidnap one of my guys, and then not getting mad when you destroyed my bar for kidnapping one of your guys, which, as it turns out, *I* *did* *not* *do*!
Lita: Yeah? So?
PM: I think I deserve an apology!
<GROPE laughs heartily at Pharaoh Mobius's expense, as Spidey runs off into the sunset, headed back to Diabolik's old lair.>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
#1962
<the crew arrives at Diabolik's lair>
Date: 02/19/2002
From: grandmapa
<<<I'm writing! Mode>>>
Lita: Okay, we have a captive...
Buffalo: Mmmph Mmmph Mmmph!!!
Lita: Seven people...
Cow: MOO!!!
Lita: My cute lil' moo-moo cow, and no plans to plan anything with! Therefore, we need to come up with a plan to plan a plan against Phapafhafjafafhaoh!
Lita42: Exactly! Now does anyone have any ideas on how to start planning the plan?
Rimmi: I think I do. We could, unlike in every other situation when we have plotted things against PM, *use* Buffalo to our advantage...
Tork: And we could hold him *for ransom*...
gramps: And send a *ransom note* to Phapahfafjafaoh!
Lita: That's really good so far! But, what should the ransom be for returning Buffalo to Phapaafphfafafafh, that is, if he even wants him back?
Mickey: He'll have to want him back. He wouldn't want Mrs. Mo all over his case again for the disappearance of another "innocent" creature, another referring back to, you know, Sunsh...
Lita: NOOOOOO!!! Don't say that name! We get the poin!
Mickey: Okay, okay! I won't say it! Anyway, what to ask for is going to be the hard part.
EM: We could always ask for an apology.
Lita: No, EM! We need something more, well, EEEEEEVIL!!!!!
All: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!
Lita: Like, if he doesn't give us explicit access to every single secret file in MSTBlanca, we'll hand Buffalo over to the New Village People!
Cow: You mooooooron! He's a pulp villian! He leaves his secret files out in the ooooooopen!
Lita42: That's an ingenius idea, Real Lita! I'm so jealous!
EM: I am too! I should've come up with that, seeing as I am EEEEEEEVIL Mike!
All: Oh, EM! <hearty sitcom laughter>
Cow: Scrooooooow it.
magrandpa?
grandmapa!, sch.
The Elderly Gender-Bender!
Vice-Prez of the I Hate Riddler Club!
President of the I Hate Hamburglar Club!
President of the Mr. T Fan Club!
Second-Place Winner of Wacky Races 2001!
6:17 P.M. CST!
#1963
Hey! PhiggyMarlborous is still a
Date: 02/20/2002
From: A_Judas_Rimmer
werePharaoh! Right?
#1964
Dang it!!!!! [OOC]
Date: 02/20/2002
From: PharaohMobius
<<<OOC Mode>>>
I just remembered something!
I was going to use the werepharaoh bit during the Moonlight Parade at the end of Chrono Trigger! Grrrr!!!
Oh well. At least CT's over with now.
PM
#1965
Lita: All right! So what else?
Date: 02/21/2002
From: Carmelita9000
<<Yay! The Duh's letting me in now! Mode>>
Rimmi: What do you mean, "what else?"
Lita: Well, we've got Phafhfohah giving us all his blackmail secrets for the ransom, but what else? I think we should milk this baby for all it's worth!!
Cow: Please don't talk about mooilking in moy presence, you insensitive little twit.
Rimmi: Well, I'm sure I don't know what to ask for.
Mickey: How about some money?
Rimmi: Naw. People are always asking for money for ransoms. We're way cooler than that. How about a koi pond?
Tork: Yeah! That would be cool! And some fish food so we can feed the koi!
Mickey: Speaking of food, we have to ask for a pizza.
Lita: Yeah. That's right. You always have to ask for a pizza in hostage negotiations.
cow: So pizza's an acceptable cliché, but moooney is not?
Mickey: Of course. You can't eat money.
Lita: Excellent poin, Mickey.
gramps: So what kind of pizza should we get?
<Mickey and Tork excitedly prepare to voice their pizza preferences.>
Lita: None of you morons better say Pineapple. Pineapple doesn't have any business being on any damn pizza.
<Mickey and Tork look dissapoined, and stop preparing to voice their pizza preferences.>
Lita: We'll just ask for a combination. But no onions. And no green peppers.
Cow: You're a picky eater, aren't you? Your mooom mooust have hated trying to feed you when you were a kid.
Lita: Ok, so any other suggestions?
Buffalo: Ah gots one!
Lita: Oh, crud. Who un-gagged Buffalo?
<Evil Mike is attempting to look all innocent, but he's not succeeding very well because he's too busy laughing to himself about how much Buffalo is about to annoy everybody.>
Buffalo: Ah was jus sayin' you should ayask for oneathem gahzeebos.
Lita: A gazebo? What the hell would we do with a gazebo?
Buffalo: Ah always thought gahzeebos were real purty. An you can set in tha gahzeebo. An you can look at tha gahzeebo. But you know what the best part is?
Rimmi: What?
Buffalo: Cupcake II and I can have our weddin in tha gahzeebo!
Lita: We're not engaged, Buffalo!
Buffalo: Not yet anyway. Cupcake II…
Lita: Don't say it, Buffalo.
Buffalo: Would you marry me?
Lita: No.
EM: This is for hitting on my woman! <Evil Mike punches Buffalo>
Rimmi: I think we should ask for the gazebo though. It would look nice with the koi pond.
Lita: All right. Fine. The gazebo's in.
gramps: Don't forget to ask for booze to go with the pizza!
Lita: Great idea, gramps! Ok. That's settled now. Let's just make the ransom note and we're done! Somebody find a stack of old magazines that we can cut letters out of.
Tork: That's a lot of work, isn't it? Can't we just write the note?
Lita: No! If we write it, he'll recognize our handwriting and know who we are!
Mickey: Doesn't he already know who we are?
Lita: Look! I've never negotiated a ransom before! I want to do this right!
<Evil Mike comes in with a stack of magazines.>
Tork: Hey, those look familiar.
EM: They should. They're all your old Nintendo Powers.
Lita: Those will be perfect!
Tork: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!1!1111!!!1!1!
***
<Some time later, the ransom note is all finished! Lita's so happy she jumps into Evil Mike's lap and they start kissing! (Big surprise there)>
Rimmi: Ok! The note's done. Now we just need to deliver it! Tork, quit crying.
Tork: *sniff* My… Nintendo… Powers… *sob*
gramps: Who's gonna deliver the note?
Mickey: Seems like it's usually Evil Mike who does these kinds of little jobs.
Lita: <she's still kissing Evil Mike> *kiss* *kiss* *kiss* *pause* Um… Evil Mike's too busy! *kiss* *kiss* *kiss*
<Mickey's lucky Evil Mike's so busy, or else it's very probable that he'd be getting punched right now for making such a suggestion.>
Rimmi: Well, we gotta send somebody. We can't just mail the note. We don't know MSTBlanca's address.
Lita: *kiss* *kiss* *kiss* *pause* Send 42. She looks bored. *kiss* *kiss* *kiss*
Lita42: What? No! Don't send me! I don't wanna! I'm not bored! Really!
Tork: You heard Lita. Don't you have to do what she says?
Lita42: I don't *have* to… <she sees Lita9000 glaring at her> … but I *choose* to…
Rimmi: Then it's settled! <She hands Carmelita42 the note> Have a safe trip!
Lita42: This doesn't even make any sense! The whole poin of doing all the magazine cutouts on the note was so that PM wouldn't know who wrote it. But he'll totally know when I show up to hand him the note!
Tork: Quit whining and get going.
Lita42: But I'm scared to go by myself! Nabut's mad at me! Won't anybody come with me?
<Nobody volunteers>
Lita42: Cow? Won't you come with me?
Cow: Nope. You're on your own.
Lita42: Aww…
Buffalo: Ah'll come with you, Cupcake II's Evil Twin!
Lita42: I'm not her evil twin.
Rimmi: And you can't go with her. It would screw up everything.
<With a sigh, Carmelita42 takes the note, leaves Diabolik's lair, and starts walking to MSTBlanca.>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
is posting while the Duh's still letting her in!
With apologies to Mickey and Tork if they do not, in fact, enjoy yucky pineapples on their pizzas.
#1966
When has that ever stopped you before?
Date: 02/21/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
I appreciate the apology, but...
BLECHHH! Pineapple!
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Post Narc x2
There's a pineapple in the refridgerator...RUNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!
#1967
Rimmi: Do we really want a gazebo?
Date: 02/21/2002
From: A_Judas_Rimmer
Lita: It will be cool with the koi pond.
Rimmi: It would be cool but couldn't PhlattyNobuttius and his goons pull a trojan horse deal. A trojan gazebo deal! They could hide in it and when we bring it into our headquaters we'll get drunk and pass out after a night of partying and they'll be hiding out in the bottom of the the gazebo and they'll kill us in our sleep. I don't like that idea. Maybe we should set the gazebo on fire when we get it!
And if they're hiding in the koi pond we'll poison it! That'll teach them!
#1968
Come on, Rimmi!
Date: 02/21/2002
From: Carmelita9000
Gazebos kick ass!! nmt
#1969
If PM and his goons are hiding inside
Date: 02/21/2002
From: A_Judas_Rimmer
the gazebo, we will get our asses kicked. I supposed when it arrives we could jab around underneath it with sharp sticks.....
You better come up with a good plan so they can't sabotage our stuff. If my almighty ass gets kicked in anyway, Lita, you will PAY!
#1970
[PM's goons finish dropping...]
Date: 02/22/2002
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Hostage Mode!>>>
[...off the Gazebo, complete with decorative tendrils of real ivy growing on aesthetically-pleasing areas of it. At the same time, they finish installing the Koi pond and the fish-food dispensers, and dropping off the pizzas and booze. Once all this is done, the G.R.O.P.E. squad reluctantly (because they're losing their advantage over PM) yet gladly (because they're getting rid of Buffalo) release the hostage to PM's goons. The goons load Buffalo in the truck (Hee hee! They're loading the load!) and drive off.]
[Tork] All right! Let's have ourselves a par--
[Rimmi] Wait!!1! This stuff could be booby-trapped, remember! Let me check it out first!
[Rimmi pulls out Mr. Poiny McHappysackslasher and starts jabbing the floor and ceiling of the gazebo, leaving all sorts of little holes everywhere. In response, there are absolutely no screams of pain from hidden shocktroopers.]
[Rimmi] Hmmm... no one hiding in there...
[Lita] Hey! You're wrecking the gazebo!
[Rimmi] AHA!!! They must be hiding in the pond!
[Rimmi pours a bunch of poison in the pond. Soon, all the Koi are floating belly-up on the surface.]
[Lita] MY KOI!!!
[Rimmi] No one there, either. I don-- AAAAAAAAAAH!!!! MOVEMENT!!!!
[Rimmi shouts "Mega Bomb!" and tosses a grenade in the Koi pond. Soon after comes a deafening explosion, which scatters water and fish parts everywhere.]
[Tork] Hey! I thought you could only do that in Chrono Trigger!
[Rimmi] Shows what you know!
[A piece of the gazebo ceiling falls to the floor, making a crashing noise.]
[Rimmi] There they are! Take this!!!1!1!! [She whips out a flamethrower and burns down the gazebo.]
[Soon, the lair formerly known as Diabolik's is filled with smoke. Fortunately, Diabolik had planned for such eventualities, and a number of fans come out of the cave ceiling and clear out most of the smoke.]
[Lita, coughing furiously.] You've wrecked *everything!*
[Gramps, also coughing.] Most of the booze got destroyed in the explosion! All we have left is :-S!
[Tork, poining at Rimmi] This is all your fault!
[Rimmi] PM, you diabolical fiend! You knew I wouldn't trust you, so you sent untainted goods to trick me! Damn you!!!!!1!
[Mickey] Hey, at least the pizza's left. [He opens one of the pizza boxes.] Bastard! He went skimpy on the toppings!
[Lita] He will pay for this. Oh yes, he will pay.
TmPM
Oooh! Plot advancy!
Sarcophagus!
#1971
Why yes, that *was* a quick response!
Date: 02/22/2002
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Duct Tape Mode>>>
Let's just assume for the sake of argument that Lita42's trip was uneventful (there and back), and PM was willing to meet the G.R.O.P.E. team's demands quickly and efficiently. And we'll also assume that even though PM knows where their "secret" hideout is, he won't use that knowledge to mount an assault on said hideout because, well, Pulp Villains have to respect secret hideouts, even if they know about them. It's the Pulp Villain code!
There! See? No continuity errors!
PM
#1972
ARE YOU PEOPLE INSANE?!?!?!?
Date: 02/23/2002
From: wurwolf
Ham and pineapple on pizza totally rules! I love the yumminess of it. Mmmmmm....... shush, I'm thinking about it!
You people have no taste.
wurwolf
Bonhead #3
fs!!
#1973
Lita: Ok... so we don't have a gazebo.
Date: 02/24/2002
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
Lita: And all our koi are dead. And sure, all that nice booze got burned up. But that doesn't mean we can't have a kick-ass party anyway!
Mickey: Sure it does.
Lita: No, we still have the pizzas. We can party with just pizzas.
gramps: But no booze? How can we party with just pizzas and no booze?
Lita: You are a very sad little guy if you *need* booze to party.
<gramps still looks skeptical.>
Lita: Ok. Fine. Fortunately, despite the fact that all the new booze was destroyed in the fire Rimmi started, I've still got plenty of Old Kentucky Shark stashed around. <Lita pulls a few bottles out from a hiding place behind the couch.> Happy?
gramps: You bet I am! This is great!
Rimmer: Ok, Lita. It's wonderful that you want to party and all, but shouldn't we be planning some kind of revenge? You know?
Lita: But don't you see? This is our revenge! Phafhghklfjjfhahsah obviously thought he could ruin our day by taking advantage of your insane paranoia--
Rimmer: Hey...
Lita: --If we manage to have an awesome party anyway, despite his efforts to ruin it, then we win!
Tork: That doesn't sound like a very good plan to me--
Lita: But you haven't heard the best part! I've still got to tell you the most bestest ultimate super-cool part of the revenge!
<Everybody listens up expectantly.>
Lita: Phamanjula's not invited! We're snubbing him!
The rest of GROPE: Yay!!!1!11!! Party! Party! Party! Party! (etc.)
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
Yeah, it's weak. But I gotta post something!
#1974
Rimmi: I agree. He needs to be snubbed.
Date: 02/24/2002
From: A_Judas_Rimmer
He wrote that whole scene where he knows the location of our super secret hiding place and then he made me destroy all our stuff. I can't wait until we get back to getting revenge on him. He *so* deserves it!
#1975
Mickey: Of course you realize...
Date: 02/24/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
Lita: Well, what????
Mickey: That PM's just going to write a reply where the party never happened. That's what he always does! He's so mean!!!
Tork: He's a Pulp Villian. Isn't that his job?
Mickey: Pleh! I'm tired of his "I'm a Pulp Villian" excuse. It's so lame.
Lita: Oh well...some of the best parties I've ever been to were ones I didn't remember anyway.
Rimmer: But he still remembers it! So, let's make him remember!
Gramps: Yeah! I'll drink to that!!!
Mickey T. Gardener
etc.
#1976
*ring ring*
Date: 02/24/2002
From: Tork_110
101001000101001010101010101010100101
<on a answering machine at MSTBlanca>
PM: Hi. I'm Pharaoh Mobius. Hi. You have reached MSTBlanca. Hi. Please leave a (Hi) message after the beep. And don't forget, I said "hi". *beep*
Tork: Hello? PM? We, the members of GROPE, are having a party, AND YOUR NOT INVITED!!! HA!
<back at Diabolik's lair>
Tork: Woo hoo! Who's next?
grandmapa: I am!
Carmelita6969: Who's up for some naked Twister?
Deathstalker: Me!
Lita: Eeek! Who invited him?
<Tork whistles innocently.>
Lita: Your whistle only gives you away.
Tork: D'oh! I just thought it would be a good idea to invite everyone to our party.
Lita: What do you mean "everyone"?
<Tork poins to his right. The other thirteen ghosts are talking to some Delta Knights. Herc is flexing his muscles in front of Aunt Flavia. Trish and the Angles are there. Nastenka is showing off her knitting skills. Basically, everyone who has been in the rp is there.>
Tork: Well, it IS roomy in here.
Tork_110
Well, it is!
#1977
Totally original title--> <At MSTBlanca>
Date: 02/24/2002
From: Carmelita9000
------------------------------------------------------------
Nabut: My Liege, I've got some information you might be interested in hearing.
PM: Yes? What is it?
Nabut: Your enemies at GROPE are throwing a really awesome badass party.
PM: So?
Nabut: And you aren't invited. You have been snubbed.
PM: The bastards!! --er… I mean… I don't care. It's no big deal. They can do what they want. It's no skin off my nose.
Nabut: Yes, My Liege.
PM: Uh… How do you know about this… just out of curiosity.
Nabut: Your goons installed a hidden camera disguised as a Lita clone at GROPE Headquarters.
PM: They shouldn't have done that! The location of a person's secret headquarters is a sacred trust! Even the worst Pulp Villains wouldn't break it!!!
Nabut: Ok. Your ass is covered. Do you want to see what they're up to?
PM: Of course!
<Nabut and PM bring the party up on their big screen. And it's a great party! There's lots of drinking, and eating, and dancing, and laughing, and fun, and WOOOOOO!!1!11! Sorry! It's exciting just to describe it! The various members of GROPE are taking turns putting an ugly flowery dishrag on their heads and doing truly unflattering impressions of PM.>
PM: Well, that's not very nice. I don't act like that, do I?
Nabut: <trying very hard to disguise that he's trying not to laugh at the ingeniously hilarious impressions.> No, My Liege. Never. Those impressions of you are completely unfunny.
PM: Then why are they laughing?
Nabut: They're drunk.
PM: I bet that party isn't half as fun as it looks.
Nabut: I'm sure it isn't.
PM: I wish they'd invited me.
<On the screen, we can see EM picking up a piece of cardboard. He scribbles on it for a few seconds, and then holds it up. It says, "YOU SUCK, MOBIUS!!!11!">
PM: Damn.
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
Of course we knew about the camera! What do you expect when your brilliant "hidden camera disguised as a Lita clone" is just a camera mounted on the end of a broom with a blonde wig on top?
#1978
Lita9000: Hey, 6969...
Date: 02/24/2002
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
Lita6969: What?
Lita9000: We haven't seen you for a while. How have you been? Last I heard, you were engaged to Apathetic Mike (or something like that).
Lita6969: Oh, him. He died when all those explosive small animals blew up that castle. <…A long… long… time ago. At least in rp time.>
Lita9000: Oh, I'm so sorry…
Lita6969: Why?
Lita9000: You lost the love of your life--
Lita6969: Oh. That. I'm sooo over him.
Deathstalker: Forsooth, fair maiden… <He's talking to Carmelita6969. Apparently he's heard of her reputation.>
Lita6969: Yes?
Deathstalker: A beautiful woman like you must be truly overcome by my awesome studliness. Let's go get nude and sweaty somewhere.
<Carmelita6969 picks up a plate and breaks it over his head. He falls to the floor unconscious.>
Tork: Wow. I don't think any of us expected you to do that.
Lita6969: I do have standards, you know. Saaay you're kind of cute, Sugar.... Are you seeing anybody?
<Tork gets scared and runs away.>
Lita6969: What's his problem?
Lita9000: He's just shy.
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
doesn't think Deathstalker should ever have sex.
#1979
[PM] *sniff* No, it doesn't bother me.
Date: 02/25/2002
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Snubbed Mode!>>>
[Nabut] Sir, that's obviously untrue. Just let out your emotions, you'll feel a lot better!
[PM] I'm telling you, it doesn't bother me! In fact, I'm not going to watch it anymore. I'll just sit here and enjoy my Shiva the Destroyer in peace.
[Thirty-odd seconds pass.]
[PM] After all the times I've invited *them* to parties, you'd think they would have the common courtesy to reciprocate!
[Nabut] Sir, why don't you--
[Rimmi, on screen.] --and he made me destroy the gazebo and everything! What a jerk!
[PM] That's only because that's what you *said* you'd do! Sheesh!
[Lita] Yeah! And he actually thought we'd be stupid enough to think that that broom with a wig on it over there is one of my clones! It's not even a blond wig!
[PM] Ha! Little do they know that the broom with a wig is just a cunning decoy! The *real* secret camera is hidden on the person of one of my loyal shocktroopers disguised as a Lita clone! Won't they be laughing out the other side of their faces when they figure *that* one out! MUUUAAAAHAH--
[Nabut] I hate to interrupt you in the middle of a bout of maniacal laughter, my liege, but none of the shocktroopers would go through with that part of the plan.
[PM] WHAT?!?
[Nabut] As it turns out, the real camera *is* on the broom with a wig.
[PM] Even Highgrunt Achmedi? He's my most loyal shocktrooper!
[Nabut] Highgrunt Achmedi went on record as saying, "If that looney wants me to dress up as some cloned tart, he knows where he can jump up, eh?"
[PM, seething.] Have that team of shocktroopers shot. No, better yet, put them in the Omegatron and have them shot every hour on the hour.
[Nabut] And Highgrunt Achmedi, sir?
[PM] Dress him as a woman, put him in the Omegatron, give him the all-body hot wax treatment, and have him shot every hour on the hour. Achmedi shall learn the price of insubordination! MUUUUAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
[Nabut] There, now don't you feel better, sir?
[PM] Yes, I do! I don't even mind that those goobers didn't invite me to their stupidy stupid party!
[Mrs. Mo, onscreen] That's nothing! You should hear him snore sometime!
[All onscreen laugh hysterically.]
[PM] Nef... Nefert... [his voice cracks.] Honey?
[Mrs. Mo, onscreen] Oy, it's like a buzzsaw! [She makes a loud, hideous snoring sound. All onscreen laugh even harder.]
[Nabut quickly switches the screen off.] My liege, you need to get away from this spy-screen and enjoy yourself. You might not be invited to that admittedly great party, but that doesn't mean you can't have a good time on your own! You've got friends here, after all!
[PM, still visibly shaken.] I... I guess you're right, Nabut. Go get Sam and Buffalo. We can have a little party right here!
[Soon Sam and Buffalo join them, and they drink, play darts, and listen to music. PM's almost forgetting about being snubbed at the G.R.O.P.E. party (almost).]
[Sam] Hey, I know! Buffalo, why don't you sing us a song?
[PM] I don't think that's such a goo--
[Buffalo] Ah thaught yew'd never ask, Lazy Rider! [He whips out his guitar and starts strumming tunelessly.]
[PM] No, really. Sto--
[Buffalo] o/` Ever' tahm Ah see yew smahle, iyit makes me wanna sang... o/`
[PM tries to get Buffalo to stop, but the hick's caterwauling drowns out everything he says. Sam is oblivious to how awful the "music" is, and seems to be really enjoying it.]
[Buffalo] o/` Yer so purty when yew smahle, iyit makes me wanna cry o`
o/` Yer as taystee as some pork gravy poured over punkin pie... o/`
[PM finally motions to Nabut, who gives him a knowing nod. Nabut pushes a button on his wristwatch of power. Moments later, shocktroopers are dragging Sam and Buffalo out of the room.]
[PM] ...and put them in the Omegatron and have them shot every five minutes.
[PM and Nabut go back to the bar. They sit and drink in silence for a few minutes, until PM reaches to turn the spy-screen back on.]
[Nabut, restraining PM's hand.] Please, don't sir.
[PM] *sigh* You're right.
TmPM
I'll bet it was a lousy party anyway!
Bitter Sarcophagus!
#1980
(Mrs. Mo comes home)
Date: 02/25/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
<<<Trouble in Paradise Mode>>>
(PM is waiting for her. He's none too happy)
Mrs. Mo: I need to lay do...Hey, honey
PM: Don't hey honey, me. You were at that party...that's...not...affecting...me....in...anyway. *sigh*
Mrs. Mo: I only went there to ask them to turn down the music. And to borrow some ice...we needed ice.
PM: Well, where is the ice?
Mrs. Mo: Hey, look at the time *yawn*
PM: Hmmm.....it is getting late and...hey, is that a party hat?
Mrs. Mo: What? No...no....You never notice my hair. That's been there for weeks. Since the Christmas party, it has.
PM: I guess you're right.
Mrs. Mo: I'm always right. I'm going to bed.
PM: *sigh* Okay.
(Mrs. Mo kisses PM, and walks away.)
Mrs. Mo: Phew!
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Post Narc x2
Heh heh
#1981
As the party-goers
Date: 02/25/2002
From: manosgirl
get ready to leave,
<timid first time posting *don't hit me* mode>
SOMETHING IS WRONG....
Tork: Hey, I...can't...move..my legs!
Rimmi: Dammit! I can't either!
Lita: What's going on here?!! Mickey! Did you put something in the soup?!!
(Mickey's passed out on the floor)
*Back at MST Blanca, PM gleefully rubs his hands together*
PM: ha ha! the paralyzer that I put in the pizzas have started to work! Woo hoo! Let's see them get out of THIS!
Nabut: it was a cunning plan, my liege! They suspected everything BUT the pizzas...
*Back at the party*
Lita: Evil Mike! Get over here and pick me up so I can do something about this!
EM: No luck, I'm just as paralyzed as you.
Rimmi: gramps! wave your magic walker or something!
gramps: it's not working!
Lita shakes her fist at the screen..."We'll get you for this Pharaougnghagghajg!"
manosgirl
will that work?
fsm..
#1982
Writer's Block: Hi!!!!
Date: 02/25/2002
From: IamWritersBlock
PM: (watching the monitor)...
Writer's Block? They invited Writer's Block?
Writer's Block: What, you surprised to see me?
PM: Wait...stop it! You're not even supposed to hear me.
WB: Oh sure...I'm the living embodiment of the most evil mallady known to man. I'm everywhere!!! You're evil, you should know that!
PM: You're starting to piss me off.
WB: Just because you'll never be as evil as me! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!!!
PM: Shutup, shutup, shutup!!!!
(Mrs. Mo comes in to the room watching PM staring at a blank screen)
Mrs. Mo: Honey, are you OK?
PM: Huh? I'm fine, fine, might as well check how that pizza is doing....that evil enough?
Mrs. Mo: What?
PM: Sorry, I just...it's nothing.
Mrs. Mo: OK 9walks away very suspiciously)
WB: Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!
Writer's Block
You think "Living Embodiment of the most Evil Mallady known to man" would look good on a resume?
#1983
<Lita is giggling>
Date: 02/25/2002
From: Carmelita9000
Lita: *giggle* *giggle* *giggle* *giggle* *giggle* *giggle*
Rimmer: Lita, why are you giggling? This is serious.
Lita: Because I just remembered that Mrs. Mo ate some of that pizza too!
Mickey: <who has regained consciousness, but can't get off the floor.> Why would you laugh about that? I thought you liked her.
Lita: Oh, I do! But I was just thinking about how much trouble Phafhhghsgsdjfhga is gonna be in when the paralyzer kicks in!
gramps: She's going to kick his ass, isn't she?
EM: She can't. She's paralyzed from the waist down.
gramps: Oh yeah.
Tork: But she is probably gonna yell at him a whole lot!
EM: And maybe even punch him!
GROPE: Yay!!!11!1!!
<Suddenly the party atmosphere is back! Nobody can move their legs, but they do start tossing a beach ball around. They're determined not to let the paralysis of their lower halves ruin the party! They're going to have a good time until they regain the use of their legs! Yay!>
***
<Back at MSTBlanca>
PM: I bet they're sorry they didn't invite me *now*!!!
Mrs. Mo: <from the other room> SUTENHOTEP MOBIUS!!! GET YOUR ASS IN HERE RIGHT NOW!!!
PM: Ohh… poopie…
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
#1984
Tork: This is getting sooooo boring!!!!
Date: 02/26/2002
From: Carmelita9000
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
<GROPE has been standing around for like 24 hours now. They've long since lost the beach ball when somebody made a bad catch. And now they're just kind of… well…standing around.>
gramps: I'm getting really tired. At my age you need lots of shut-eye. At least Mickey gets to lie on the floor. He can take a nap whenever he wants.
Mickey: Zzzzzzz.... Boy do I love sleeping.... ZZzzzzzzzzzz… This is great.... ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz.... I wish I could wake up just so I can go back to sleep again… ZzZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz....
Gramps: Quit stealing lines from the Brak Show, Whippersnapper!
EM: I wish I could kick him.
Diabolik: Mmmph mmmphhh mmph!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!1!! <Rough Translation: Now you know how it feels! I've been just standing around since 1967!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!1!!>
Lita6969: 9000, do you by any chance have your phone with you?
Lita9000: <Carmelita9000 just happened to be standing right next to 6969 when the paralyzer kicked in. She pulls her cellular phone out of her pocket> Why, yes I do. Why do you ask?
Lita6969: I was just thinking maybe you could use it to call the Pharaoh. Maybe if you ask him nicely, he'll come unparalyze us.
Lita9000: Well, I think that--
Rimmi: <Who also just happens to be right there. It's wonderful when things that just happened completely by coincidence work out for the plot!> No! You can't call PM! He's the enemy!
Lita9000: I was just going to say--
Lita6969: Don't listen to her, 9000! Call him! I'm sure if you apologize to him nicely about how mean you've been, he'll forgive you and fix us all right up!
Lita9000: --
Rimmi: NO!!! Lita, you are *NOT* going to apologize to him! Carmelita6969, just because you had some kind of a thing going on with PM way back a long time ago doesn't mean--
Lita6969: 9000, call the Pharaoh!
Rimmi: Don't you dare!
Lita6969: That's it! Give me the phone! I'll call him!
<Carmelita6969 makes a grab for Lita's phone.>
Rimmi: Oh no you don't!
<Rimmi also grabs for the phone. The three of them wrestle over it for a minute before it falls to the floor out of their reach.>
Lita9000: Dammit!
Lita6969: That was Rimmer's fault.
Rimmi: It was not!
Lita9000: Oh well. I wasn't gonna call him anyway.
Lita6969: But… But it was our only chance! We're never gonna get out of here! We're gonna be stuck like this forever! *sniff* And I had a date tonight!
Tork: Who with?
Lita6969: Waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!1!!!1!!
Lita9000: Oh, please don't cry... *sniff*
Rimmi: Lita, what's your problem?
Lita9000: *sniff* Nothing! It's just I can't watch a grown person cry *gulp* without crying myself…
<Lita9000 starts crying. On the other side of the room, 42 starts tearing up.>
Rimmi: Great! The Litas are all crying! That's not going to be annoying at all!
gramps: I wonder how that hooligan Pharahfhoohghfa is doing.
Tork: Mrs. Mo is probably paralyzed by the bad pizza too and she's really pissed off and she's yelling at him.
<Hey! Tork's actually right about Mrs. Mo! See? Every cloud has a silver lining!>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
Long time victim of the Chain Cry
#1985
Cow: *sigh* Moo...
Date: 02/26/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
I guess I have to play the hero.
Mickey: Who's asking you?
Lita: Because he's the only one who didn't eat the pizza. Plus, he's adorable.
Cow: (sticks his tongue out at Mickey)
Lita: Awwwwwwwwwwww....
Cow: See, people keep mooaking fun of the lactose intolarant. Those moorons.
Rimmer: Good job, Cow. Now, PM has to have an antidote somewhere. Get it and bring it back.
Cow: Why?
Rimmer: He's a pulp villian, remember? He has to have an antidote. It's in the pulp villian handbook. He also needs to leave it out in the open where everybody can see it.
Cow: Amootuer. If that was mooe, I'd just throw away the ant....
Rimmer: Well, it's not you.
Tork: What about Mrs. Mo?
Gramps: And ruin the fun of a possible domestic dispute? Whippersnapper.
Lita: In his charming yet somewhat creepy way, Gramps makes a good poin. PM needs to deal with her. We *are* trying to get revenge on him, remember?
Tork: Oh yeah! I knew there was a poin to all of this somehow.
Lita: You'll need back up. Cover your ears everybody.
(Lita starts to blow her whistle, when)
Evil Mike: Um, Lita?
Lita: What?
(Evil Mike poins to a corner of a room, to see Spidey not doing too good)
Lita: Crap. Looks like your on your own.
Cow: What about Mooickey's car?
Mickey: Damn thing's in the shop again. And he would have had pizza if he could.
Rimmer: How would he have eaten it?
Mickey: Just put it in the gas ta...look, it's just in the shop, all right?
Cow: OK! Mooron.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Post Narc x2
Might be hiding something
#1986
[Mrs. Mo] Would you care to explain...
Date: 02/26/2002
From: PharaohMobius
[Mrs. Mo] ...why I'm paralyzed from the waist down, *honey bunch*?
[PM] It's probably because you ate the pizza at the party of my enemies, *dear*.
[Mrs. Mo] Why would you put a paralyzing agent in my food, *darling*?
[PM] I didn't! I put it in the food of my *enemies*, and I didn't think in 1000 years that my *loving wife* would eat at the table of my *enemies*!
[Mrs. Mo] Well, you could have warned me, *sweetness*!
[PM] Again, I didn't know you were going there, *beloved*!
[Mrs. Mo] I don't even know where you got the idea to use a paralysis poison, anyway, *man of mine*!
[PM] It was the paralyzing powder you gave me for the specific purpose of using on my enemies, *sweetheart*!
[Mrs. Mo] Whatever! Just get me out of this, *schnookums*!
[PM] You got it, *baby*! [He injects her with the antidote.]
[A sullen silence hangs in the air as Mrs. Mo rubs the feeling back into her legs. It continues for several minutes.]
[Mrs. Mo] Look, I think we seriously need some time apart. Things haven't been exactly... ideal lately.
[PM] Agreed, but--
[Mrs. Mo] Good, then. I'll have the servants pack up all of your things, and you can arrange for your Sky Fortress to pick them up.
[PM] But I don--
[Mrs. Mo] Come, now. You're not going to argue the point of why you have to be the one to leave, are you? After all, this is my ancestral palace.
[PM] Well yes, but--
[Mrs. Mo] Good. I'm glad we can be adult about this. I'll have your things ready in, say, three hours?
[PM] Okay, but--
[Mrs. Mo] Very well, then. Good bye, Sutenhotep. [She leaves.]
[PM stands stunned for a moment, then wanders back into the bar in a daze. Rick sees him coming and puts on his best sympathetic face.]
[Rick] Fight with the missus, huh? Shall I pour you the usual, boss? [He reaches for the bottle marked "Prince of the Powers of the Air."]
[PM] No, Rick. Give me a Johnny Walker Red. Straight. No, make it a double.
PM
Oooh! Plot twisty!
Sarcophagus!
#1987
[More duct tape...]
Date: 02/26/2002
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Duct Tape Mode>>>
Okay, I forgot to describe the teleport gate PM has set up in his office that goes straight to the Nile Imperial palace. But it's there! And that's how he went back and forth between the two by switching rooms.
See? Logical explaination!
PM
#1988
<Mooission Imoopossible theme plays>
Date: 02/26/2002
From: Lord_KFB_Cow
<<<Undercover Cow Moode>>>
Cow: Now's mooy timooe to do something for the benefit of mooankind. Personally, I don't care.
(A window breaks...Moors. Moo wakes up)
Moors. Moo: What was that?
Cow: Oh no! I've been spotted!
Moors. Moo: Hey, I know you...aren't you one of Sunshine's friends?
Cow: Umoo...Yeah...somooe crap like that, sure.
Moors. Moo: Aren't you just the cutest little thing?
Cow: Oh no...abort the mooission! Abort the moo...oh right, they couldn't get the mooicrophone on mooe.
Moors. Moo: What's the cutie wootie little guy want?
Cow: Antidote? For paralysis?
Moors. Moo: Oh, cute little guy wants that, cute little guy gets it. Here you go.
Cow: Wow! Thanks! You daft womooan....
Moors. Moo: What was that?
Cow: Errr...nothing. I'll be on mooy way, now. (Cow runs back through the window)
Moors. Moo: Wow...what happened? Oh no! The antidote!
MOO!!!
#1989
Rimmer: Hey! The cow's back!
Date: 02/27/2002
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
cow: Yes, I'moo back. Though I don't know why. It's not like any of you good-for-nothing losers ever did anything for me.
Lita: We showered you with love and affection!
cow: Can it, Blondie.
Tork: So, did you get the antidote?
cow: Of course I did! Not that any of you deserve it. You better thank mooe.
GROPE: Thank you, cow.
gramps: So, how do you take this stuff?
cow: I think you're supposed to inject it. I don't know if you have any needles lying around. Hey! Lita's a heroin addict! Lita, where do you keep your needles?
Lita: I am *not* a heroin addict, Lord Jellojiggler!!
EM: I'm sure you don't need to inject it. A pulp villain made the antidote. Those kinds of things are the easiest things in the world to take. I'm surprised we aren't all being cured just by looking at it. I bet all you need to do is swallow some.
Rimmer: Makes sense to me.
cow: All right then. Who's first?
Tork: Do Mickey. He's on the floor already, so he can reach you.
gramps: He's sawin' logs though, so yer gonna have to wake him up.
Mickey: ZZZzzzzzzz…. I love soup… ZZZzzzzzzzzz…. Yeah, more soup please…. ZZzzzZZZZZzzzzzz…. Ahhh… an Olympic swimming pool filled with clam chowder…. ZzzzzzZZzzz….
<The cow walks up to Mickey and whispers gently into his ear>
cow: <super-duper quiet> mooickey… mooickey… wakey wakey… <To the others.> It's no use. He's really asleep. I was hoping I wouldn't have to take these mooeasures, but there's no other way.
<the cow bites Mickey really hard on the ear.>
Mickey: Zzzzz--OW!!! What's wrong with you, you stupid cow??
Lita: Oh, be nice to Lord Flopsey Cottontail!!! He had to wake you up! It was the only way! The antidote is in that cute little backpack he's wearing. Take some and pass it around.
<Don't ask me how the cow managed to put on a cute little backpack all by himself, let alone where he got one in his size in the first place, but Lita's right. Mickey takes the antidote out of the bag, sips a little, and almost immediately he's able to get up and walk around. He starts sharing it with the other paralyzed group members. When Lita's unparalyzed, she runs up to cow and gives him a great big hug, deaf to all his protests and insults. Finally everybody is cured except Evil Mike. Mickey stands in front of him, holding the antidote just out of reach.>
EM: Ok, give me the antidote.
Mickey: Oh, look how the tables have turned! Now it is *I* who have the power, and *you* who needs mercy!
EM: Yeah, whatever. Just give me the antidote before I pound you.
Mickey: How are you going to pound me? You can't even reach me! Ha ha!!!
Lita: Mickey, just give him the antidote, will you?
Mickey: No! First he has to apologize for all the times he punched me and was mean to me! And he has to promise never to do it again!!!
EM: All right.
Mickey: Huh?
EM: I'm sorry I hit you all those times I punched you and was mean to you and I promise not to do it again.
Mickey: Oh. Well… That was easier than I thought. Um… Ok. Here's the antidote then, I guess.
<EM takes the antidote, and as soon as he's cured he punches Mickey.>
Mickey: Ow!!! You promised!!!
EM: There's more where that one came from Soup Boy!
Mickey: Aaaaah!!! <He runs away>
EM: Come back here! I'm gonna beat the hell out of you!!! <He chases Mickey>
Lita: Evil Mike! Sweetheart! No! That's not very nice! Stop it! Baby, come back!!! <She chases Evil Mike>
Rimmer: <Watching the three of them chase each other around the lair> Well, all's well that ends well, eh?
<Hearty sitcom laughter>
Tork: Hey! Quit with the sitcom laughter! That wasn't even funny!
<The others stop laughing and just sort of stand around in uncomfortable silence, not sure how to end the reply.>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
#1990
<Litabot emerges from the closet>
Date: 02/27/2002
From: A_Judas_Rimmer
Litabot: Hello all my friends.
Tork: I thought you'd been dismantled.
Litabot: No. I am still here and I was in the closet. I like colors.
Rimmi: Crap! Everyone from the rp past and present came to the party. Litabot came and didn't eat the pizza.
Litabot: I can't eat pizza, silly. My gears and circuits would get all messed up with cheese and pepperoni.
Rimmi: So you could have saved us this whole time.
Lita: <stops chasing EM and Mickey.> Wha?
Rimmi: Lord Fonzie Kickybottom didn't have to do anything.
Cow: Bugger all!
Tork: She wasn't the only one who came and didn't eat the pizza. <poins behind Rimmi just as Cara tackles her>
Cara: Rimmi! I missed you so so so so so much!!! <kisses an unwilling Rimmi.>
Rimmi: Blah! Help!
#1991
Mickey: You know what, Cow?
Date: 02/27/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
Let's Talk About Stuff!
You volunteered.
Cow: Wha...oh damoon, I did.
Mickey: HA!!!
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Post Narc x2
Hey, is that Evil Mi...*pow*
ow............
#1992
Friend to All n/t
Date: 02/27/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
Oops! I goofed!
#1993
Lita: But I thought...
Date: 02/27/2002
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
Lita: I thought that Litabot was destroyed in the Chrono Trigger thing. Wasn't she blown up by Lavos or Mrs. Mo or somebody?
Rimmer: I made a new one?
Lita: Then why did she say she was the old one?
Rimmer: Just shut up and have some pizza!
Lita: Ok, I think I will... Heeeyyy.... I'm not falling for that again!
Rimmer: Darn! Cara, get off me!
<More sitcom laughter>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
What, did you expect me to write something good?
U2's on and they're being cool!
#1994
<Deathstalker comes to.>
Date: 02/28/2002
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
<Carmelita6969 must have hit him really hard! She knocked him out days ago!>
Deathstalker: Wow! How long have I been out? Oh, well, there's still plenty of fair maidens around. Doubtless you've all been breathless with concern and lust while I was unconscious.
Rimmer: No. Not really.
Deathstalker: You girls all play hard to get. But I know you'll all be crawling under my blanket before too long.
Lita6969: I really don't see that happening.
<Cave Rimmer raises her club.>
Lita9000: You know, Deathstalker, now that you mention it, I was talking to one of my clones a few minutes ago, and she said you were really hot.
Deathstalker: I knew it!
<Deathstalker puts an arm around Carmelita42 and goes in for a big wet kiss.>
Lita42: Eeeeeek!!!1!!!
Lita9000: Not that one! Get your hands off her! The one who likes you is over there!
<Carmelita9000 poins to the hidden camera PM disguised as a Lita clone. The one on the broom with the wig on top.>
Deathstalker: Hey! She's a babe!
Lita9000: She sure is. And she wants your sweet loving.
<Deathstalker takes the broom/camera/wig thing in his arms, looks deeply into her eyes, and lays one on her. His mouth engulfs the entire camera lens. It's really disturbing to watch!>
Lita9000: Hey, look at that. She likes you. Why don't you take her away somewhere else and do whatever it is you're going to do. You know. Away from here. Far away.
Deathstalker: I can tell she's never known the love of a man. And she doesn't talk much. Just my kind of woman!
<Deathstalker puts the "Lita clone" over his shoulder and carries her out of Diabolik's lair.>
Lita9000: That'll give Phahffohuahoha something to watch.
Rimmer: I shudder to imagine...
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
Yes. Deathstalker is very, very stupid.
#1995
Mickey: Lita, I don't know how
Date: 02/28/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
to say this, but....
Lita: Yeah?
Mickey: It's best you hear this news from someone who cares.
Lita (looking concerned): Yes?
Mickey: I tink one of your clones may be, um....The one Deathstalker left with...I thionk she may be...uh...anorexic.
(Lita walks away shaking her head)
Mickey: What? She's as skinny as a broom handle!
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Post Narc x3
Dumb
#1996
dumoobass
Date: 02/28/2002
From: Lord_KFB_Cow
MOO MOO MOO MOO MOO MOO MOO
Do you tink you can spell thionk?
Just curious.
MOO!
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